SantaCon 2013

Well hello folks,
This past Saturday the wife and I attended an event here in NYC titled, "SantaCon." It is a fundraiser where you dress up in full holiday costumes and walk around the city and drink. A pub crawl if you will. You also give $10 to charity, so I promise we were drinking for a cause. I was in a full body penguin suit and my wife was wearing a sexy Mrs. Claus outfit she won at a similar event a few years back. We started the day by heading through some heavy enough snow to some nightclub to get our stickers that said we paid the charity money. We were told they had "cheap" beer there so we decided to find the bar. Now I'm used to bar lines that are 6 people deep in some types of places. I don't like those kind of places because they are generally nightclubs and that's not my scene, but we were here at 11 a.m. so I figured it would not be terrible. It was worse than what I just described. They had 2 bartenders for probably 2000 people, so it was a shitshow. The bartender we were closest to was pushing elderly and looked like he was coming down off of a 40 year coke binge. He just could not handle the situation and was quite visibly flustered, spilling beers and yelling out loud at everything. After standing there being angry at this dude/feeling somewhat sorry for him for about 15 minutes, we looked up the next bar on the list.

We drank at the next bar for a while, and then the next area of town was announced. We jumped on a train and headed back into Brooklyn. We got off the train and were immediately lost due to the snow obscuring any signs. We finally found a bar (it was not on the official list) and had some beers. We were quite a few beers in at this point and decided to get some food. While we were eating some ShakeShack, we met two random girls that had no idea how to get to the last stop on the list. We got them to come with us. As we were walking into the last venue, two skeezy dudes came up and started talking to all three ladies, including my wife. I am not kidding, the first dude's initial line, to my wife, was, "Why are you hanging out with these losers?" She quickly informed him what she was married to me, and that he might be the loser. Then his Asian friend tried his luck with our new friends by trying to get them to go to some "afterparty." The girls answered his attempts with one word monosyllables. The douche canoe left swiftly afterwards.

We got inside the final venue, which was basically just a large warehouse with beers, foodtrucks, and a stage, and were surprised to find out that Andrew W.K. was the D.J. for the night. I didn't know he was a D.J. He then told us that he wasn't a D.J.and was just going to have a good time. Well alright. He spun some good tunes ranging from mid 90's techno to some new Juicy J to some old Motorhead. Not a bad mix. The party was over at 7:30, so we left at about 7 to beat the crowd on the train. We had to transfer trains, and at the transfer two guys dressed as a turkey and an elf asked us if we wanted some chicken. The elf then pulled out a huge box of Popeye's and demanded that I get down on it. He ate a piece to show me that he didn't fuck with it. I had a piece. As our train came he gave us an entire box of biscuits and the rest of the chicken. We headed home and feasted on some Popeye's. Not the craziest of days but a good one nonetheless.

10:30 a.m. Interaction with the Homeless.

I had to move my truck this morning for the street sweeper because I didn't move it last night. The sweeper comes between 8 and 9:30 so I had to get up at 7:30ish and find a spot on another street. I like to have the truck in front of my building, so I went to move it back at about 10:30. I was walking past the recycle bins and was approached by the ubiquitous homeless person in front of my building who then asked me if I had a light. I told him I did not. He then asked me if I had a match. I once again told him that I did not, in fact, have a light. He then proceeded to tell me that I looked, "fucked up." I let him know that it was 10:30 in the morning and that I was not fucked up and that I had some bad allergies going on and was tired. After this exchange he told me I should go to Central Park. I have no idea why he told me to go to Central Park. I do enjoy some street food though, so maybe I should go.

Updates on the Big Move

Hello folks,
So last time I posted I spoke about moving from Houston to New York City. I drove it over the course of 3 days with my wife. I also had two cats in the truck. That was super awesome. There were no cat dumps taken while driving, which I am thankful for. That would have been awful. Honestly the cats dealt with being caged up for 10 hours at a time quite well.

Moving past the cats, we had some good adventures on the long drive. 2 hours in we drove past a trucker in Louisiana that had, "Show driver your hooters" on the back of his 18 wheeler. The wife and I had a good laugh about that and thought it was a joke. We then passed the truck and saw a sign in the driver window that said, "Show me your Hooters." The driver had minimal teeth. My wife did not give him what he wanted. Day 1 ended shortly afterwards in Mobile, Alabama.

On day 2, I got pulled over for driving 87 in a 70 outside of Montgomery, Alabama. I was the lone wolf that wasn't driving 95 in the pack so I got stopped. I am all about being as diplomatic as possible, so I handed him my license and insurance and also admitted to speeding. "Sir" was used quite often in this exchange. He took my items and told me he would be back soon. He then looked at my truck and asked if we were moving. I told him yes we were, from Texas to New York, and that we had 2 cats in the truck. It looked as if he felt bad for us. He came back 10 minutes later with a warning and let me go. I shook his hand and said thanks. He told me to keep it close to 70. Diplomacy wins occasionally.

There are more adventures to come. I promise it gets more interesting than a cross-country drive with some cats.

Keep your heads up.

I'm Back.

Hello to all of the followers that I used to have. Or didn't have. Or don't have. Whatever. It has been quite a few years since I updated the interwebs with the goings on of my life. Not that it is any different than yours. I'm just keeping you informed. Since we last left off I went and got myself married. I quit my job and made a big move from the Big H-Town, Texas to New York City. Yes, there is lots of Pace Picante Sauce involved. I plan to update everyone with adventures soon. I am looking forward to telling stories about people peeing in broad daylight and the bullet proof glass that is pervasive in all of the businesses in my neighborhood. Keep your heads up.